While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
