3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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