I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
