In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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