I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
