i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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