she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
