I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
