I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
