mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
