I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
