i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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