dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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