i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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