"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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