At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
