He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
