are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
