she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
