I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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