i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
