I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
