Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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