I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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