Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
