Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I want a musical about memes.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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