We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
