I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
