By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
