He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
