Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
