people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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