After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
