i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
