physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
