I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
