its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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