Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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