By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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