i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
