i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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