i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
That's when you crack a 10am beer
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
