I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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