I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
