Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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