I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
