toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I didn't notice because vodka
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
