If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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