just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
