He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
